Remember when you first got engaged and that really patronizing older lady told you, "Well you know your not just marrying 'him,' right? You are also marrying his family."
Or was that just me?
Anyways. Turns out she was right! You are marrying his family, because guess what their are these things called children, which will be grandchildren or nieces and nephews. Their are also things called holidays. And you WILL have to decide which family you are going to open presents or eat a perfectly moist turkey with. Although to be honest, sometimes the turkey's I've had to eat have been less the perfectly moist (Looking at you Thanksgiving 2012...).
A positive relationship with your in-laws would make those holidays a lot easier, as well as making the incessant requests for baby pictures from crazy grandparents much easier to tolerate. Thankfully, I've been blessed with awesome in-laws. Seriously, my sister-in-law Stacy is one of my best friends and I love spending time with my mother-in-law. She and I have an obsession with Deseret Book. We can spend hours in there together.
I think it is important to make an effort to develop positive relationships with your in-laws, not only because it makes those holidays a much less painful experience but I also think it helps your marriage to be stronger! When you have a positive relationship with your spouses family, your family really is integrated and it makes sure that your spouse doesn't feel torn in two. I can only imagine that if my husband's family and I didn't get along how he would feel. A positive relationship between you and your in laws definitely makes the "cleaving" that is so essential to a marriage more easily done.
Wednesday, July 15, 2015
Monday, July 6, 2015
Dispelling rumors...
When I first was investigating the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints my family had a LOT of concerns. The number one concern that was brought up was the roles and ideas surrounding genders within the Church.
I don't know how many times family members asked me if women were equal to men in the Church. I even had an Uncle tell me that men were told by Church Leaders that they were to rule over their wives because they were superior.
For a while this concerned me for really obvious reasons, but it also left me really confused. What my family was telling me was not fitting in with what Sister Olson and Sister Reyes were teaching me.
When I voiced my concerns about this to the the missionaries and the family that was fellowshipping me into the Church, they told me to do my own research on lds.org and to see what I thought. Nothing I found told me that I the Church I was looking into was what my family was telling me. Everything I was reading and seeing was showing me that this was the direct opposite.
When I was reading Richard Miller's article, "Who is the Boss? Power relationships in Marriage" I was instantly brought back to the experience that I just related. This article states that marriage should be a partnership between man and wife, not a dictatorship. I think that is such an important thing to be practiced in marriage.
A lot of times it is easy to dominate your relationship or to even be passive within your marriage and when that happens, you begin to lose the "partnership" and you venture into "leader and follower" or a dictatorship. And when that happens the happiness in the family can drain out and the Spirit can't be felt as much.
I don't know how many times family members asked me if women were equal to men in the Church. I even had an Uncle tell me that men were told by Church Leaders that they were to rule over their wives because they were superior.
For a while this concerned me for really obvious reasons, but it also left me really confused. What my family was telling me was not fitting in with what Sister Olson and Sister Reyes were teaching me.
When I voiced my concerns about this to the the missionaries and the family that was fellowshipping me into the Church, they told me to do my own research on lds.org and to see what I thought. Nothing I found told me that I the Church I was looking into was what my family was telling me. Everything I was reading and seeing was showing me that this was the direct opposite.
When I was reading Richard Miller's article, "Who is the Boss? Power relationships in Marriage" I was instantly brought back to the experience that I just related. This article states that marriage should be a partnership between man and wife, not a dictatorship. I think that is such an important thing to be practiced in marriage.
A lot of times it is easy to dominate your relationship or to even be passive within your marriage and when that happens, you begin to lose the "partnership" and you venture into "leader and follower" or a dictatorship. And when that happens the happiness in the family can drain out and the Spirit can't be felt as much.
Wednesday, July 1, 2015
Can in marriage infidelity be prevented?
My answer to this question is a resounding yes!
Here are a few steps that you can take to prevent infidelity in your marriage:
1. Base your relationship on the firm foundation with Jesus Christ. If you haven't done this already, start today. Have scripture study, by yourself and with your spouse! Have FHE with your family, even if your family is just you and your spouse. Make Church a priority, but first and foremost make your relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ a priority.
2. Treasure your marriage. Make your marriage your number one priority, even over your kids. Hold on, hold on. I can just hear all the parents, especially my fellow Mommy's roaring with indignation. Your kids need you to be with their other parent and they need you to be happy! When you are happy, you can parent with righteous intentions. So with that being said, go on a consistent date night. Talk with your spouse, often. Make sure you know what is going on within your spouse's world! Make your spouse feel special. Send them special text messages, call just to say hi, make sure that they know that they are a priority for you.
3. Have boundaries with members of the opposite sex. Somethings I have always kept in mind when dealing with the opposite sex are:
1. Don't go out alone with the opposite sex. This one feels like a no brainier sometimes.
2. Don't keep secrets from your spouse.
3. Again, a no brainer here, but don't flirt with anybody but your spouse. Flirting can feel innocent. But it never is!
I think all of these steps are really important, but I think the one that deserves the most focus is number three. Why should you have boundaries?
Anybody can give into temptation and I mean anybody. Why risk giving into temptation? Boundaries protect you and they protect your spouse. Temptation and sin feel innocent in the beginning! Keep that in mind!
Here are a few steps that you can take to prevent infidelity in your marriage:
1. Base your relationship on the firm foundation with Jesus Christ. If you haven't done this already, start today. Have scripture study, by yourself and with your spouse! Have FHE with your family, even if your family is just you and your spouse. Make Church a priority, but first and foremost make your relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ a priority.
2. Treasure your marriage. Make your marriage your number one priority, even over your kids. Hold on, hold on. I can just hear all the parents, especially my fellow Mommy's roaring with indignation. Your kids need you to be with their other parent and they need you to be happy! When you are happy, you can parent with righteous intentions. So with that being said, go on a consistent date night. Talk with your spouse, often. Make sure you know what is going on within your spouse's world! Make your spouse feel special. Send them special text messages, call just to say hi, make sure that they know that they are a priority for you.
3. Have boundaries with members of the opposite sex. Somethings I have always kept in mind when dealing with the opposite sex are:
1. Don't go out alone with the opposite sex. This one feels like a no brainier sometimes.
2. Don't keep secrets from your spouse.
3. Again, a no brainer here, but don't flirt with anybody but your spouse. Flirting can feel innocent. But it never is!
I think all of these steps are really important, but I think the one that deserves the most focus is number three. Why should you have boundaries?
Anybody can give into temptation and I mean anybody. Why risk giving into temptation? Boundaries protect you and they protect your spouse. Temptation and sin feel innocent in the beginning! Keep that in mind!
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