Forgiveness in Marriage

I've often seen this pin floating around Pinterest. You probably have as well!

I can't help but agree. And here is why. 

I love my husband. So very, very much. And honestly, who wouldn't! He is pretty darn near perfect. He is an amazing, attentive, loving, thoughtful, passionate, caring husband. He is an even more amazing Father. 

But guess what guys?

I married a sinner. Not an angel.

We all did/will! And that means sooner or later they are going to make mistakes. If we withhold forgiveness from them, not only are we being unkind we are also being unchristlike. Haven't we been charged by the Savior himself to "Love one another as I have loved you?"

How does Christ love us?

Christ loves us by remembering our eternal worth, even when we screw up. Because we all have and will screw up. We all make small and large mistakes. At least I have. Man have I made some MONUMENTAL mistakes. Both in and out of my marriage.

Christ loves us by taking our mistakes upon himself and atoning for our mistakes or more eloquently put our mistakes.

Christ loves us by being our advocate with the Father.

Christ loves us by keeping his arms open wide for us, WHENEVER we need his comfort.

In short, he loves us by forgiving us. So if we are truly to love as Christ loves, we should forgive our spouse. We only get to go back home if we have spent our lives, living and acting as the Savior would. We are on a journey back home to our Father in Heaven with our spouse in the passenger seat. Although I like to think that Jason is driving. I really don't like to drive ;).

Pride in Marriage

Pride is a funny thing.

Often we are told to take pride in our work or our lives and I don't necessarily think that that is a bad thing! But is there a place or room for pride in marriage? The Guide to the Scriptures tells us that pride is...

"A lack or absence of humility or teachableness. Pride sets people in opposition to each other and to God. A proud person sets himself above those around him and follows his own will rather than God’s will. Conceit, envy, hardheartedness, and haughtiness are also typical of a proud person."

I think that this can definitely manifest itself in marriage. As I sit here contemplating this topic, I remember exchanges between my husband and I wherein I was not the most teachable. I truly believe that when you are married, one of your responsibilities to your spouse is to help them become more like the Savior, by loving them, not by lecturing them or by nagging them into submission. When my husband and I were sealed, our sealer told us something that has always stuck with me and something I try to remember everyday. He said, "It is the Lord's responsibility to change your spouse. It is your responsibility to change yourself and love your spouse."  I think that pride shows itself in marriage when we begin to lose sight of that principle. When we begin focusing on our spouses faults and not our own improvements, we are demonstrating pride. We need to remember to love one another and focus on our own improvements and relationship with Father in Heaven and your spouse.

Why is it hard to maintain a love map?

Love maps are hard to maintain over a period of time for a very simple reason.

People change, people grow. 

What was true one year, might not be true the next!

For instance last year something I was worried about was getting my daughter weaned from breast to bottle. This year that is not even on my list of worries. This year I am worrying about a lot of things, like my pregnancy, balancing a newborn with my last semester of classes and making sure my husband has enough time to do all of his homework. 

I think another reason that it is difficult to maintain a love map over a period of time is simply because a lot of times as life and marriage gets filled with more variables such as children and new jobs, time to discuss each other's worlds decreases by quite a lot. 

The only way to combat these changes and developments is to make deliberate choices to get to know each other every day and to get to know our spouses worlds.